The Video and Random Babblings
by Kaye Nightshade
Summary: What if Ian was captured and was trapped in a room? And forced to watch a video? The triplets appeared out of nowhere and a mysterious person comes in. BEWARE! HUMOR! You might laugh too much! ROAR! Dedicated to: Sanity Optional
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is a very random fic I came up in four in the morning, same as my other one 'Fan Girls R' Us'. But don't fear, I wrote this in an appropriate time! This stars a lot of people but mainly, Ian Kabra. This will be terribly OOC. So... yeah. This is pay back of what he did to Amy! (No, not Another Artist, I meant Amy Cahill!) This is filled with humor, beware!**

**Dedicated to: Kashi-san. [I'm proving a point here!]**

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><p><strong><em>The Video and Random Babbling<em>**

"W-Who are you?" Ian Kabra asked, scared.

He was sitting near a table with a lamp in front of him. It was a dark room, pitch-black, actually. Ian was scared, unlikely of him. He was in a dark room with only one small light shining and was tied in ropes.

After a few moments of waiting for an answer, a girl replied. "Kaye." She turned on the lights so he can see her.

"Who is this Kaye, you speak of?" Ian asked, shaking.

"Me! You blithering idiot!" Kaye yelled to him.

"Yes, yes, feeling a little English now," Ian started.

Kaye frowned.

Ian continued. "So, you want me all for yourself? I appreciate that but I'm-"

"NO! Of course not," Kaye yelled, again. "I don't want to be stuck with a blithering idiot like you!"

Ian stayed silent.

Kaye just stared at him and said; "I captured you because-"

"You didn't capture me; you just dragged me here from an important phone call. And I was trying to get out of your grip!" Ian started to rub his wrist.

"Not the point!" Kaye said, putting her hands in the air. "I mean, I am here to show you a video-"

"What video?" Ian asked, dumbfounded.

Kaye laughed.

"What are you laughing about?" Ian asked, more dumbfounded than ever.

Kaye laughed more. "Dumbfounded! Hahaha! Dumbfounded, you! Hahaha!"

Ian just stared at her. "Now, I am not dumb-"

Before any other explanation from the idiot, Kaye interrupted. "Whoever wrote that dumbfounded-thing, is a genius!"

"But aren't you the author of this "so-called" story?" Ian said, trying to put air quotes to the words but was apparently tied up.

Kaye stopped laughing. "Oh yeah…"

Ian nodded. "I am the-"

"I'm awesome then! Hah! In your stupid face, Ian!"

Ian just shook his head. "No offense but… Wait, with offense! You're childish! Just look at you!"

Kaye was wearing a black shirt (for camouflage and being a ninja!) and cargo pants. "What? I am childish! Well, at least I look normal for my own age and you look like an eighteen year old!"

Ian stared at her in shock. "Well, at least I'm more mature!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Stop with that childish game, I am not childish!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Stop it, or I'll sue you for everything you're worth!" Ian yelled. "And get me out of these ropes!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Grr…"

"Ooh, Ian Kabra, oops sorry, Ian Cobra is actually growling. Wait, do Cobras even growl? New discovery!"

Then the Starling triplets came in. "Wait, what? A new discovery?" Sinead asked, excited.

"Yes Sinead," Kaye said. "A new discovery."

"What are you waiting for?" Ned said, almost jumping to the high ceiling. "Tell us!"

Kaye smirked.

"Why are you smirking?" Ian said, starting to get angry. "That's my signature move!"

"Well, too bad!" Kaye smirked, again.

"Grr…"

"So, there you have it, a Cobra growling." The triplets just shook their heads.

"What?" she asked.

"Why did you even call us?" Ted started.

Ned continued. "I thought you would be telling us a discovery that can change the world!"

"One, Ted, I didn't call you here. You just appeared out of nowhere. Two, Ned, you were like: "What's the discovery?" and I was like: "Whoa, whoa, wait a second!" and you were like: "What is it?" and I told you about it then you were like-"

"Okay, that's enough with the likes," Sinead blurted out. "So, who called us here?"

Kaye shrugged.

"Hey, what about me?" Ian yelled.

Kaye threw a potato at him. "Ouch! I'm going to sue you for this when I get out!"

Kaye threw another potato at him. "Ow! Never mind."

"Good." A person came near, clapping his hands, slowly.

"W-Who are you?" Ian asked, again.

"I'm NinjaSaladin123," he said. "Also known as…"

Kaye held herself, he was about to take off his mask.

"Dan."

"Oh phew!" Kaye said, letting out a big sigh, containing a lot of drama. "I thought you were some kind of an evil peanut butter made monkey or something."

"That would be so cool! Dan said, playfully. "We'd be like: "Give it up, monkey or you would be eaten."

Kaye laughed. Ian and the triplets just stared at the two.

"Well, we're outta here," the triplets said, then disappeared.

"Hey, what about me?" Ian asked, trying to get out of the ropes.

"Oh yeah, you." Kaye walked to him, pushed his chair somewhere in the middle of the room. "There."

"What is this about?"

"The video, remember?"

"Ah yes."

"Let's start." Kaye pulled out a remote from nowhere, a big remote it was. "Turn on, cable, DVD…"

"What are you muttering about?" Ian asked, started to get scared, for maybe, the crazy childish idiot might show him something unforgettable.

"Ah, here we go!" she said, pressing the button.

Then the video started. Ian's eyes widened.

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><p><strong>Yes, it's OOC, I know. Flames are accepted and whatsoever. I just felt like doing this because of what Ian Growling Kabra did to our beloved Amy Cahill! It's pay back! *evil laugh*<strong>

**So, I mean. Uh... Hope you like it? And please visit my poll in my profile after reading this, there's an important question there...**

**Review! I would love that!**

**To Kashi: Did I prove my point? PM me.**

**Have a nice day!**

**~Kaye**

**P.S Is this a cliffie. Yes, right?  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wowzers. It has been FOUR months since the first chapter. I'm sorry, guys! D: Well, here, I have made it up and this would be the second chapter. Hope you'll like it! :) A sudden twist would be on your way. ^^**

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><p><strong>The Video and Random Babblings<strong>

**Chapter 2**

"Are those penguins?" Ian asked, confused by the most random thing to ever see in a blackmail video.

The video contained: penguins running around wearing 39 Clues caps and also possibly, jumping.

Kaye's eyes widened in shock. "Oops, wrong clip!" She pushed some buttons on the big remote and the big screen turned off. "You didn't see that."

Ian opened his mouth to reply and decided to just close it. _Just to be on her safe side. Penguins _are _her obsession… _Ian thought.

"Yes, yes it is," Kaye replied to Ian's thought. He thought of a strategy to be on Kaye's –er, good side. Which he thought might not ever exist because of him and his wrong doings. _Wait… what did I do wrong, anyway?_

Kaye ignored his thoughts, and said, "For what you have done. I'll give you a prize."

Ian almost jumped for joy. _Almost_. "My freedom?" he asked.

"Nope," Kaye replied, smiling. _Oh, much, much better._

Ian scowled. What does she have in store for him? _Another potato, I guess._

"I assure you, Ian Growling Kabra-" -Ian scowled at the nickname- "But your prize is…" Kaye snapped her fingers. Instantly, Amy, Dan and Natalie appeared. "Your three _favorite _people!" Note the sarcasm.

"They are absolutely _not _my three favorite people!" Ian yelled.

"Yes I know, idiot! That's why I wrote 'note the sarcasm' up there!" Kaye replied, putting her hands in the air.

"Umm… you there, with the terrible fashion sense," Natalie said, pointing at Kaye. Ian started to get happy because of, maybe Natalie saving him. "Would you want to me to give you advice in being fashionable?"

Ian groaned. Kaye noticed the groaning and replied, "Thanks but no thanks, Natalie. Amy would need it more than I do."

Natalie nodded. "Agreed." -Amy scowled at this- "Oh, is that you brother? I didn't notice you there." Ian groaned again. _What's wrong with my life?_

"Oh, just…" Kaye thought for a second. "A lot of things, actually. There's this one time Ian got stuck and…"

"Oh, enough!" Ian blurted out, angry.

Dan snickered. Ian gave him a death glare. Dan, unaffected, kept snickering.

Kaye smirked.

"This is the bloody third time you smirked," Ian said. "That's my signature move!"

Kaye stuck her tongue out. "I know," she replied. "It's just so fun making you angry."

Ian sighed. "So, when would the movie start? Er, video?"

"Oh, yeah… I almost forgot about it," Kaye said. Ian did a face-palm.

"OOH! A video!" Dan exclaimed. "I think it's about… THE EVIL PEANUT BUTTER MADE MONKEYS!" Dan danced his happy dance, an assortment of punching the air and… punching the air again.

"Sorry, Dan, it isn't," Kaye sadly said. Dan sighed.

"Anyway," Kaye said, pushing the buttons of the remote which she decided to name, Blaze, and said, "onto the video!"

The video started. Kaye passed buttery popcorn to Natalie, Amy and Dan. "Would I get some?" Ian asked.

Kaye glared at him. "Fine." She handed Ian a _separate _bucket of popcorn. Ian started to eat. But then… spit it out.

"These are stale popcorn!" Ian exclaimed.

"Shh!" Natalie shushed. "The video's starting."

Ian grumbled at his seat. "Stale popcorn… smirking… _POTATOES…_"

"SHH!" Everyone shushed him.

"Fine," he muttered. _Prepare to be unprepared, Ian._

The screen went black. Smoke was coming out everywhere. Everyone was coughing. And a girl's scream was heard. It was Kaye's.

She's gone.

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><p><strong>AN: DUN! DUN! DUN! A cliff-hanger! :D Sorry, for the short chapter, guys. :( Heh. So, I'm kidnapped. Oh, how ironic... *sarcasm***

**Maybe on the next chapter this won't be labelled as Parody anymore. :/ It would be some other kind of genre. ^-^ Guess what it is. I know, you know! ^o^**

**Flames are opened, CC would be awesome and just plain reviews are welcomed! :D**

**-Kaye Nightshade  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**The Video and Random Babblings**

**Chapter 3**

She was gone.

All of four of them: Amy, Dan, Natalie – and maybe a bit of Ian, the idiot – were shocked. They didn't know what to do.

They were all quiet for some time, sucking in to their minds on what just happened. The girl who just made them all appear there – except Ian – was now gone. Who? Who would have done it? (And any of you might think that she's a witch? Like, c'mon, Hogwarts witch? She made them appear out of nowhere for goodness sake! And, ooh, I love your shirt. Where'd you get that? Oh, and I'm Rob, by the way. I'm narrating while Kaye's gone. Um, back to the story?)

They were all thinking very deeply at this point. Even Dan set aside how awesome evil peanut butter made monkeys would have been and thought about what just happened.

Ian was the first to snap out of it. We all think he would have been alarmed that the girl was now gone and we're all also thinking that he'll think on how to find her with the help of his _three wonderful friends _– but no. Instead, he said:

"Oh, thank goodness. THANK LUKE she's gone. I CAN NOW BE FREE."

But the three didn't hear him. As if the three of them were statues – like really, they weren't moving _at all. _

"Um, hullo," Ian started, looking at the three with an alarmed expression. "HULLO. AREN'T YOU GUYS GOING TO FREE ME OR SOMETHING?"

They didn't answer. As if they were – _thinking too much that they became statues. Whoa. _Ian thought. Absurd. But they were all still frozen.

Ian was now _really _thinking. _How should he get out of here? How can he unfreeze the three? _Ian was pondering and didn't notice a sort of squishing – or maybe even, a _squeaking _sound – at the background. He only noticed it when something touched his right leg and Ian jumped. "WHOA. WHAT WAS THAT? SHOW YOURSELF OR I'LL SUE!"

Ian looked around frantically, searching the ceiling and the backside. He didn't see anyone. When something tugged his right pant leg. He was now scared, very scared to even look down.

And I would love to add this effect: insert dramatic drumroll, please.

"STOP IT, YOU. YOU'RE SCARING ME. CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!"

Well, I'm just the narrator, Cobra. It's not really my fault I had to do this.

Ian rolled his eyes from what I just said. Rude much. Hmph.

Anyway, back to the story. Ian was about to look down, his face ready to see what was tugging him, ready to die even. ("I'm not going to die, narrator! I'm just scared, okay.")

As he looks down, his heart beating loudly and he saw a… penguin. Ian sighed in relief. (And even almost wet his pants I tell you.) "NO, I DID NOT," he boomed. Whatever, idiot, you were the one scared of a _PENGUIN_.

"But you really made me get in the mood and may even made me sweat," he said, checking himself.

Cobra, that's what I do. I'm the narrator. I do stuff. And I thought you were the smart one – oh, wait. You aren't the smart one here. Aha.

Ian ignored my statement. (So sad.) Continuing, though. The penguin was a baby. It was fattish-chubby of a penguin – it was a chin-strapped penguin. Very cute.

"What's your name, little guy?" Ian asked the penguin softly. The penguin squeaked. "Aww, you're so cute, you know."

And then the weirdest of all the weird happened. It talked.

"DON'T YOU CALL ME CUTE, YOU LITTLE IMBECILE! MY MISTRESS WAS KIDNAPPED BECAUSE OF YOU. I'M NOT CUTE. I'M AN AWESOME AND TOUGH PENGUIN. YOU KNOW, I CAN SERIOUSLY KICK YOUR BUTT RIGHT NOW." This came out as a shock to Ian. He was even _frightened. _("I'm not frightened! It was just a surprise it talked!") Riiight.

"Umm, little one, I – "

"DON'T YOU CALL ME 'LITTLE ONE', YOU UGLY GIT. I WANT MY MISTRESS BACK!"

"Feisty. Just like it's owner." Ian groaned. So frightened he was. ("NARRATOR, THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!")

I have a name, you know.

"I know. It's _Rob. _Pathetic," Ian sputtered.

You want me to kill you off? I can seriously do that in a few seconds.

"Um, on the other hand, I am very scared right now. Heh." Good.

"So, what's your name, penguin?" Ian asked the _cute little thing_. ("Aw, shucks, Rob, you shouldn't say that!" it squeaked.)

Ian was irritated that the penguin was actually polite. Great.

It cleared its throat – rather, it squeaked. "I'm Commander Glacier, reporting for duty."

"Glacier…?"

"COMMANDER GLACIER, YOU – YOU –"

"Okay, okay! Commander Glacier. Hello, I'm Ian," he introduced.

"I know that. I've been reading and watching you since Chapter one, like duh."

Ian gaped at him. "So, what do you want from me?"

"That's easy. GIVE HER BACK. I WANT MISTRESS BACK!"

"Uh, but –"

"Don't lie. You kidnapped her because she discriminated you," Glacier – sorry, Commander Glacier – ("No, it's alright Rob, you can call me Glacier." He smiled. "WHAT!" Ian said in the background.) said/squeaked.

"Commander Glacier, I didn't kidnap her! How could I if I was stuck in this bloody chair the whole time!" Ian yelled.

"Oh, right," Glacier realized. "Well, then, we're going to have to find her."

"WHAT!"

"Yuuup, with the help of your three friends," Glacier said, getting the remote, Blaze, and pressed the BIG RED BUTTON.

There Ian looked at a passageway – where, honestly, wasn't there before – and saw three people. There were two girls and one boy. _Wait, _Ian thought. _AMY, DAN AND NATALIE! THEY WERE FROZEN! _He looked back to where the three were frozen before and they weren't there. _HOW?!_

"Ian, while we –" Glacier gestured to him, Ian, and I. "— were arguing/talking. I specifically told my assistant to bring them to the back. So they'd look cool with an awesome entrance with smoke and stuff."

It was cool. The smoke bellowed so Ian can see the three clearly. The three of them were wearing all black. He looked at Dan, then Natalie then at… _Amy. _

_Oh, Amy, she looks so beautiful. _Ian thought dreamily.

Ehem. That was awkward. Glacier agreed, "I know right."

Ian gave Glacier and I a death glare. We gave him one, too. Even match.

"So they're going to help us in the journey," Glacier told Ian. "Any problems?"

"Well, yeah," Ian replied.

"What?"

"WHERE'S MY COOL BLACK OUTFIT AND AWESOME ENTRANCE?" Ian wailed. Glacier just rolled his eyes. "YOU KNOW, I'M STILL STUCK IN THIS WEIRDO CHAIR!"

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><p><strong>AN: **HI, GUYS! :D SORRYSORRYSORRY! IT'S BEEN LIKE OVER A YEAR SINCE I LAST UPDATED! D: I FEEL SO BAD! D: But here! I typed this all in an hour! Even if I'm not in the mood to write, I wrote – for you, guys! Forgive me! :'( I luffle you guys so much and I know you've been waiting until this got updated. :/

I never really had the mood and chance to update this fic, since I wrote this just for fun last year cuz I was bored. :P I was planning on deleting this, too. Maybe I was planning on stopping this fic because of it's poor writing and stuff. But I love this fic too much for it to be deleted. D: So, this will be staying for a while longer. :)

Sorry for the terrible writing. :( I just don't have the writing inspiration for about two months now. :/ So, hope you guys like this terrible chapter. :/

Reviews, CCs and flames are seriously welcomed! (You can check out my other fics for much better writing structure. :D)

-Kaye Nightshade


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